Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Hold on or let go?

Tonight, I sold my car... and cried. This experience made me realize I have a hard time letting go. When I watched my old car drive away, I felt like I was watching a lot of things leave: memories with college friends, the hard work that it took to get the car, the pride I felt when I took it to my apartment.

I have an even harder time saying goodbye to people. Even when I know someone is bad for my well-being, I still keep them in my life because I can't let go of the good things (even if the good took place years ago). When people repeatedly let me down, I allow them to because letting go of them would be letting go of the feelings that I once had when I was around them and the memories that I share with that person.

What I have a hard time recognizing is that feelings and memories aren't tied to things and people. They're within me. Sometimes, there's a lesson to be learned, a feeling to be felt, and a memory to make and that's the end. Holding on any longer to the person or the thing can become harmful, whether it's bad for my emotional health or simply takes up space.

A lot has changed for me in the last few years and, as I embark on a marriage (a new life with someone), I have to realize that my fear of letting go of physical representations of feelings/memories will hurt more than just me. Therefore, my new goal is to remember that every phase of my life will have elements that I have to part with eventually.

No memories left with my car. The feelings I felt can't be taken away because a possession is no longer mine, just as memories with friends won't be gone simply because the person changes. Life is about moving forward and the best way to do that is to stop holding on and let go.

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